you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Terrible idea I love it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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