Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
