take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
