WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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