i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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