Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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