smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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