i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
