Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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