I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The feeling are messing with the penis
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
