I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
