I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
