i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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