i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
