so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
