I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
