I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
