This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
