First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
