How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
