Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
