Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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