went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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