first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
