A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
