You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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