you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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