whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
