you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Randomize
