Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm at about main and main street
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
