I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
