WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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