I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
