I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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