Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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