He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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