Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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