I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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