When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize