oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
