4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
pray to the hookup gods
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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