so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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