Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Alive.
So much puke
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
