forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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