he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
