every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
