He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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