Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
