i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
