My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
bring money and cleavage
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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