Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
