Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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