I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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