Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
