I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
