i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
