I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
