At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
