I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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