Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
