You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The struggles of a small town man whore
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
