Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
