I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
