How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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