I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
