just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
