Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
