This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
