i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
