Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
