No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
