Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
